So, I’ve been diagnosed with bipolar for approximately two years or so now and just reflecting on it. It’s been a hard ass two years. It really has. I was gutted by but also relieved by my diagnosis.
I’d always been an extremely angry person, very destructive, abandonment issues to the core, you name it. For many years. Poor parents!
Originally I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder but a psychiatrist later found that I had been wrongly diagnosed and I had bipolar.
 I am required to take mood stabilisers on a daily basis as some of you know and given the severity of my disorder, I suppose I’ll be on them for life now. I do have periods where I get forgetful and I get erratic in taking them but on the whole, they work fantastically. I have very minor highs, no lows at all and I feel much more stable. I can maintain a job, maintain a relationship and maintain looking after myself as well. Some of which I couldn’t do when I wasn’t medicated. Even things such as getting dressed were incredibly hard to do but I got through.
Without gushing too much and making you bleugh, aside from family, Gillès Chevalier has been such a strength and has been my absolute rock. Anyone else would have seen the hard work I was / I am and have walked away. Not Gilles. He is an amazing person and I am so grateful to have my rock and of course my family, his family and my friends. Thank you, all. Wouldn’t be making it throughout life without you.
Reflection over 😝

Relapse- daily life post 1

My first general life post. I think I need to put my thoughts down sometimes to help declutter my mind. Today I’m thinking of my relapse this week with my medication.

I got diagnosed with bi-polar about two years ago. This was after years of hell suffering with what the doctor just believed was clinical depression. But it was clearly so much more than that. Sure, I suffered with depression as I had my low episodes but the highs were fairly frequent too. I used to get really really agitated and snappy and then on other days feel like I was on top of the world. Finally (because I knew what was wrong) I pushed for an appointment with a psychiatrist and he confirmed it. I had bi polar.

I was put on mood stabilisers like I say about a year ago and it’s been nothing but a struggle since then. I’m crappy with routine and self discipline and I always forget to take them. I forgot the last week and I know it’s negligent because what always happens after I miss my pills is that I get a low episode and it’s an extreme low. This relapse was pretty horrid. Me and my long term partner fell out over dinner and I just wouldn’t shut up. I hate myself for it and I’m trying to think of ways to remind myself that I need to take the darn medication. I’ve been with my long term partner for nearly four years. I got diagnosed not long after we got together and despite all the struggles and hardships, he has stood by me and has been mostly fantastic. I know if I don’t fix it soon though I have a real chance of losing him.
I’ve set a daily reminder on my iPhone to see whether that helps at all. 10 p.m each night, just before bed.

Here is to seeing whether I can be discliplined over the next week and take them every day!